The Passing of a Father

Keith and his two boys

November is coming to a close and I couldn't let it close without honoring my former husband.  The boys father, Keith, passed away on November the 11th unexpectedly. Instead of dwelling on his death I have chosen to embrace his life.

While we were married we often went out to dinner and neither one of us wanted to just decide for Kevin what he would eat. We wanted him to make the choice, but the problem was Kevin wouldn't use his voice. It was Keith that came up with the idea of having Kevin slap a hand when we needed him to make a choice for dinner.  That eventually got us to the point that he would slap the hand and whisper his choice.  It was also Keith that had the idea to help Kevin with his fear of people dressed in costumes such as Micky Mouse.  We discovered this fear when we took the boys to Disney in Florida one year.  That was most likely our worst vacation ever.  We could only conclude that for Kevin it was just the thought of his stuffed animals coming to life. Well, one weekend after our divorce Keith had the boys for a visit and they had gone to a car show. Now, I have to tell you this didn't turn out like Keith had hoped, but his heart was in the right place. There was someone there dress in a Big Daddy Rat costume, so Kevin's father took him over to talk to the 6 foot rat.  He wanted him to understand that there was a person in the costume, but unfortunately it didn't work.  Over time we've been able to help Kevin with this fear, but most of the time we avoid any place that has someone dressed like this.  Don't get me wrong here. Kevin loves Halloween and understands that those are people in those costumes.  Keith loved his boys and enjoyed having them visit him as often as he could.

I had the hardest time trying to decide if I should tell Kevin about his father's death or not, but in the end I did tell him.  Kevin knows words like dead, but I don't know if he understands the meaning of the word.  Sometimes he's watching a movie and when someone dies in it I hear him say he's dead. In the end I told him because #1 it wouldn't have been fair to Kevin and #2 there were so many people around him talking about it. Kevin hears everything that is said in front of him and I didn't want him to find out about his father that way. So, in the end I told him his father got sick and died. Maybe I shouldn't have used the word sick, but it's too late to take that back. I also explained that my brother, his brother and myself would be there for him. His answer was very simple. "Okay." I had talked to one of my bosses about this and he told me that maybe that's all Kevin needed to know.  I think he's right. Thanks Tom for lending an ear.

Yes, our marriage was over, but our friendship stayed. You might think it may surprise my sisters and brothers to know that Keith often asked about everyone and wanted to know what they were up to, but in truth they all knew him so well that it wouldn't have surprise any of them. Keith will be missed greatly by not just myself and our two boys, but also by his wife whom he adored, his four step children, his mother in Florida, a sister in Florida, plus a sister and brother both in Ohio.

Keith with his wife Karen, our boys and two of his step children

The Thanksgiving Feast

The Holidays have begun to stay the least.  Yesterday we went to my sister's house for Thanksgiving.  What a pleasant day it was. The weather was beautiful. The little ones were able to go out and play in the pile of leaves.  Kevin had a great time playing with his younger cousin.  I looked over once and they were playing hide and seek in the living room. Another time they were both watching TV together and later I found them both in the living room playing with their gaming devices.  It was a huge difference from last year when Kevin's medication stop working for him on that very day.  But I'm not going backwards in time here.  We had our feast and sat around stuffed all afternoon until it was time to eat all over again that evening.  The night before I was in a panic, because my dinner rolls did not come out at all.  I made them several weeks ago without any problems, but for some reason both batches just shrunk right up on me.  Thankfully the ladies with my GFCF Recipe group came to the rescue. I emailed the group asking for help and one of the girls posted what she usually makes.  I am so thankful to her.  We had dinner rolls after all! I know most of you are thinking so what if he doesn't have dinner rolls. Well, I cared about whether or not he had them like the rest of us at the table. I try to make sure he has something equivalent to what everyone else is having. He does notice what everyone else is eating believe it or not. Thankfully it was a none issue anyway. All in all it turned out to be one of the most relaxing Thanksgivings ever.

Big Brother, Little Brother

My how they have been changing on me.  Yesterday Kevin was voicing his opinion whether it was good or not.  I heard him say stupid dog once and thought I heard him say stupid Mommy.  I asked him if he said stupid Mommy and he said said yes.  I explained that that wasn't a very nice thing to say and he said Sorry Mommy.  Later after dinner he was bringing me his dinner plate into the kitchen and when he turned to leave his brother was standing in the way.  Kevin said his brother's name and move out of the way.  Now that would have caused a fight a few years ago with little ole me breaking the fight up. I'm only 5'5" and they're both either 6' or almost.  Neither one of these young men likes to be bossed by the other. Instead his brother calmly explained that wasn't how you asked someone to move and told him how to say it the right way.  I told Kevin to say he was sorry to his brother.  He did with a big hug.  His brother was trying hard not to start laughing, because he was still explaining how the ask someone to move. I was very proud of both of them for the way they handled the whole situation.  Oh yes Kevin is using more and more words lately.  That morning he and I went to visit with my sister and her husband at their antique booth.  His brother was off doing something for the Vet's uptown with JROTC.  My brother-in-law introduced us to a friend of his.  Kevin reached right out and shook the man"s hand saying "Nice to meet you" very clearly.  Just before leaving he was running around calling his Uncle's name, because he wanted to say bye to him.  They have a very special way of stay bye to each other and have been doing it for years.

Kevin getting a kick out of his brother driving

Ice Skating Practice

Today is the start of the Special Olympics Ice Skating Practice for our schools and Kevin was so happy about it this morning.  I'm hoping I can go check it out one day during practice or even the event itself.  I have never ice skated in my life.  When I was about 3 years old I remember my two older sisters wearing these dual skates that strapped on to their winter boots.  I thought that was the cools thing in the world until the one boy in our complex showed up on single blades.   I have no idea if Kevin uses a walker, dual blades or what.  It really doesn't matter, but it'd fun to watch him ice skate.  He seems to light up when you mention skating of any kind to him.

So how's he doing with his diet you ask. Wonderful! The other day I asked him to bring me his plate into the kitchen.  He hopped right up and said "Here you go Mommy."  Happy dance!!  Another new sentence!  It seems like the longer he stays on the diet the better he gets.  We had a few weeks that weren't so good a while back and after talking to his doctor we decided to try a little high dosage of his medication with the Fanapt.  Well, after a week and half into the new dosage I knew it was too much for him.  His doctor was out at the time on maternity leave.  His wife had a baby boy, so I discussed it with the nurse.  Back down we went and I added a 1/2 Ativan in the afternoon for about 2 weeks instead.  I have him back off of that and back to his original dosage.  He seems to be back to how he was at the start of school.  No idea why he was having issues a while back and I'm just happy he's back to he's original dosage.



 

Happy All Saints Day

Halloween has come and gone sad to say.  Kevin loves this time of year.  Yesterday was a big day at school for him. They had a Fall Party during class.  I was lucky and found candy bars for him at the Health Food Store and sent them in to his teacher for Kevin's treat. I also made cupcakes using Betty Crocker's Gluten Free Cake Mix for him.  I knew one parent was sending in cupcakes, so I wanted to make sure Kevin didn't feel left out.  The best part of the day was watching his brother make our Jack-o-lantern.  Kevin was right in there watching every detail.

All of you will have to check out my new blog Aunt B's Kitchen & Garden at http://auntbskitchenandgarden.blogspot.com/.  I should be posting my new recipe for Blueberry Cinnamon Muffins soon.  Kevin can't wait for Turkey Day. In his own words Gobble Gobble!