The Passing of a Father

Keith and his two boys

November is coming to a close and I couldn't let it close without honoring my former husband.  The boys father, Keith, passed away on November the 11th unexpectedly. Instead of dwelling on his death I have chosen to embrace his life.

While we were married we often went out to dinner and neither one of us wanted to just decide for Kevin what he would eat. We wanted him to make the choice, but the problem was Kevin wouldn't use his voice. It was Keith that came up with the idea of having Kevin slap a hand when we needed him to make a choice for dinner.  That eventually got us to the point that he would slap the hand and whisper his choice.  It was also Keith that had the idea to help Kevin with his fear of people dressed in costumes such as Micky Mouse.  We discovered this fear when we took the boys to Disney in Florida one year.  That was most likely our worst vacation ever.  We could only conclude that for Kevin it was just the thought of his stuffed animals coming to life. Well, one weekend after our divorce Keith had the boys for a visit and they had gone to a car show. Now, I have to tell you this didn't turn out like Keith had hoped, but his heart was in the right place. There was someone there dress in a Big Daddy Rat costume, so Kevin's father took him over to talk to the 6 foot rat.  He wanted him to understand that there was a person in the costume, but unfortunately it didn't work.  Over time we've been able to help Kevin with this fear, but most of the time we avoid any place that has someone dressed like this.  Don't get me wrong here. Kevin loves Halloween and understands that those are people in those costumes.  Keith loved his boys and enjoyed having them visit him as often as he could.

I had the hardest time trying to decide if I should tell Kevin about his father's death or not, but in the end I did tell him.  Kevin knows words like dead, but I don't know if he understands the meaning of the word.  Sometimes he's watching a movie and when someone dies in it I hear him say he's dead. In the end I told him because #1 it wouldn't have been fair to Kevin and #2 there were so many people around him talking about it. Kevin hears everything that is said in front of him and I didn't want him to find out about his father that way. So, in the end I told him his father got sick and died. Maybe I shouldn't have used the word sick, but it's too late to take that back. I also explained that my brother, his brother and myself would be there for him. His answer was very simple. "Okay." I had talked to one of my bosses about this and he told me that maybe that's all Kevin needed to know.  I think he's right. Thanks Tom for lending an ear.

Yes, our marriage was over, but our friendship stayed. You might think it may surprise my sisters and brothers to know that Keith often asked about everyone and wanted to know what they were up to, but in truth they all knew him so well that it wouldn't have surprise any of them. Keith will be missed greatly by not just myself and our two boys, but also by his wife whom he adored, his four step children, his mother in Florida, a sister in Florida, plus a sister and brother both in Ohio.

Keith with his wife Karen, our boys and two of his step children